Embrace Your Brilliance
By Dr. Valerie Young
In my last post I described the “typical” impostor. In fact, I probably know these parts of you better than even you do. But there’s something else I know – and I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you the other side of the impostor story!
While a lot of what I wrote in my last post may ring depressingly true, there’s another story here too. And that is that deep down you really do know you’re smart. And although you may sometimes hold back, somewhere inside you, you know that you can do just about anything you really set your mind to.
The problem is you don’t always feel that way. Sure you have your “on” moments. But you can also remember plenty of times when you couldn’t think to save your life, times where everyone around you seemed far more confident, talented, articulate, experienced, or knowledgeable than you.
But like I said, there’s another story here. The very fact that you’re reading this tells me that behind all the self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence, that there is a woman who knows she is bright, resourceful, creative, and infinitely able – and she desperately wants to be seen. I don’t mean seen in the sense of having your brilliance recognized by the world (although as terrifying as that may sound, it would also be kind of cool), or even acknowledged by your own family (now there’s a thought). No. The person you most want to finally and fully embrace your brilliance is you.
Am I right? If so, what’s your “other story”?
Comment by Leisa Good
This is very true. I know that I am capable deep down, but I hold back sometimes due to fear or procrastination.
I have come to recognize fear as the gatekeeper to my comfort zones. I need to just open the gate.
Also procrastination is just perfectionism in disguise. Just get it done, and all is well.
Thank you, Dr. Young.
Comment by Andrew
I dropped out of High School in 88. I worked in dead end jobs because if i didn’t try i couldn’t fail. I married my high school sweetheart and we had a child. I figured I had to do better for my child so I swallowed my fear and took my GED in 99 I passed it with flying colors. i tried to be proud but a voice kept telling me they let me pass cause they want to pad the numbers or something. I told my self that when i got my AA i would really be proud, Well it took me six years working full time and going to school part time but i got my AA in 2006 and had a 3.5 GPA, and you guessed it when i get my degree from the university I will be proud, well i graduated with my BSW from USF with a 3.7 GPA this summer and i am working with a not for profit mental health organization and a voice is telling me i only got through because my professors liked me. Every time i wrote a paper i would think this is the one they tell me im done and ask me how did i get this far in school. At this point i am telling myself i will be proud when i get my MSW and i am already thinking it wont be right until i have a private practice. At work i am constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. 3 weeks in into my job was givin a full case load and my wife tried to tell me it was because i am good but that voice keeps telling me it is because they did not have anybody else to do it. Just last week i was watching a parenting video with a client and the Dr. was talking about self esteem and he started talking about the inner judge and it hit me. these feelings are not natural. i found this website and i already feel better just knowing that these feelings have a name and there is a way to deal with them. thank you so much
Comment by Carol
I can identify with all of this. I always need to acheive just one more thing. But right now I am so burned out that I am stuck. Now the problem is, that I talk myself out of whatever it is because I am too tired to face what I perceive to be too much work with probable failure at the end anyway. This is crazy. I know it is inside of me and I have to face the nasty little voices. My friends, family and co-workers can tell me how amazing I am. But it doesn’t matter because “they don’t really know me.” Right?! Becoming aware is the first step. But then what? We are on a lifelong quest for self acceptance and self respect.
Comment by Della Pitre
Wow…I love when you read something and you get that ‘a-ha’ moment…what you have said is so true…that little voice inside your head that keeps feeding your self-doubt! I’ve had that voice for years…and yes, it has held me back for a lot of them. But when I started do the volunteer work and giving of myself, feeling good about myself, that little voice started being silenced a little more, and a little more…to barely hearing it at all! Mind you, I haven’t been pushing to start my business full force yet but the urge and the call is starting to nag at me more and more so the push for me is finally here! That little voice may or may not start at me again…but I must say, the more I worked at the things I love to do and the more comfortable I have become with my passions…the quieter the voices have become! Now I feel ready for the next step in the game and to finally push forward and see what happens from here! Thanks for the new perspective Valerie! You are VERY good at what you do!
Comment by Della Pitre
Wow…I love when you read something and you get that ‘a-ha’ moment…what you have said is so true…that little voice inside your head that keeps feeding your self-doubt! I’ve had that voice for years…and yes, it has held me back for a lot of them. But when I started to do the volunteer work and giving of myself, feeling good about myself, that little voice started being silenced a little more, and a little more…to barely hearing it at all! Mind you, I haven’t been pushing to start my business full force yet but the urge and the call is starting to nag at me more and more so the push for me is finally here! That little voice may or may not start at me again…but I must say, the more I worked at the things I love to do and the more comfortable I have become with my passions…the quieter the voices have become! Now I feel ready for the next step in the game and to finally push forward and see what happens from here! Thanks for the new perspective Valerie! You are VERY good at what you do!